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User blog:MML!opinions!Fun!Chocolate!/Mercy M. Lavender Vs. Blood Whistle- Part 3: The Third One
Hello. It is I, that one person nobody knows, and welcome back to Spooky Spaghetti Blah blah intro let’s-a go! June 8th, 2012- “Well, I did it. I managed to clench the fickle fibers of my perception of reality long enough to play through world two.” Then you would’ve realized that this is a fluffing ROM Hack and stopped. “I have come to the conclusion that whoever made this is completely and utterly deranged. There’s been a rusted gear or a broken spring in the mechanics of their sadistic mind. Their only purpose in creating this mod was to mentally and psychologically flagellate the naïve soul poor enough to take the bait of its mysterious origin.” 1: Don’t look up what flagellate actually means. I’ll just say it doesn’t really fit here... 2: IT’S JUST A SCARY ROM! ANYBODY WITH COMMON SENSE WOULD JUST QUIT! ALSO, THERE’S WORSE THINGS OUT THERE! PEOPLE SHIP INCEST AN PEDOPHILIA FOR DOG’S SAKE!! “Well, I’m certainly naïve enough to fall into that category. I digress, to the experience.” Yup. I actually agree with you on that. “I find myself asking how I could have missed major things like this yesterday when I saved the game in this world. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. Blood of the same texture from before was just as splattered across the desert sands as sand itself was. Solitary eyes watched me from the pyramids.” Oh. So Bill Cipher got more eyes. Huh. Neat (Dorkly intensifies) “Pentagrams and other satanic symbols were also infrequent in the environment.” So there weren’t that many of them? (Ness voice) Ok Also, fun fact: The Pentagram is actually a symbol that represents Jesus. It isn’t evil. Knowing that kind of takes the spook out of things “Could this hack be the work of the Illuminati?” Fun fact: the Illuminati wasn’t actually evil I’m serious. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Illuminati Also, IT’S JUST A SPOOKY ROM! “OK, enough pondering. I need to finish this grim tale.” Hey! That’s my line! Well, actually, I’d say cringey instead of grim. “Skeletons of Koopas littered the bleak landscape.” Dry Bones. Dry Bones are not scary. “There was a distinct disturbance with Mario’s appearance, though. He looked starved and parched, as one would typically look after a few days in the desert. Mario then moved into the 2-1 block without my command and the music began to play shortly after.” Scripted Sequence? “This was a reversed version of the overworld theme.” If I could reverse music on YouTube I’d check it out to see how scary that really is. “Whispers and other paranormal phenomena could be heard playing in harmony with the music, saying cryptic things. After about a minute I began to record the sound. I’ll upload it as soon as possible, but I know I definitely can’t do it today.” Aaaand he never did LIAAAAARRR! “One of the most distinct things I kept hearing was ‘let the whistle guide you’ and ‘the instrument of blood plays the sweetest tune’.” LIES! MORE LIES! GHOST PLAYS THE SWEETEST TUNES OR WHATEVER! Oh hey paranormal ghost stuff! Sjsjhshxsnjashdjsjaja- (MyLifeIsAJoke.Exe has crashed) “This creeped me out needless to say, but this of all things wouldn’t prevent me from playing out the remainder of this game.” I would just listen to Bad Creepypasta on the side. Or anything really. “The stage itself was VERY scary.” What? No big words? What happened to consistency? “The sky was grayish-blue accompanied by an almost white sun. The colors weren’t bright or cheery in the slightest. The pyramid blocks were faded and cracked, and the wooden blocks were obviously rotting. Mario’s sprite was visibly starving and pleading for thirst.” Ok, ANYONE WHO KNOWS WHAT THE WORD THIRST IS WILL KNOW WHAT IT MEANS AND THAT IT DOES NOT WORK HERE!?! “The fire creatures fixedly stared at me like a shark stares at a school of fish, seeming to know who their next meal was.” That’s not how sharks work “The neutral expressions of the Koopas had changed into ones of converged disgust and loath. I had obtained the raccoon by now, so I ran along the pipe-looking platform and took off.” What the- “I flew for a little while, which was nice. Mario’s face changed as well, being the normal happy smile you usually see throughout the entire game. I relished in the few moments of happiness I sought from this game.” Sought is past tense of seek ya dingus “These moments were mercilessly ended within the course of a few seconds. The sky flashed a gloomy black before the Blood Whistle came and impaled the poor plumber yet again. Mario fell, his corpulent figure going limp until he hit the ground with a thump that I swore I could feel.” I’m pretty sure by visibility starving he meant thin, so how is Mario corpulent right now? I know it sounds like corpse but it doesn’t mean corpse. “He was miraculously alive, his body twitching in a feeble attempt to rise. A fire creature jumped on Mario, who was now pinned to the ground and screaming in pain. His scream was bitterly realistic. It reeked of such ineffable pain it hurts me now to describe the sheer degree of torture this character was put through. There he was. Burning and seething in pain and there I sat, completely powerless. Forced to watch what I thought was the end of his trials on world two. I was so wrong.” All I can think of is this: https://youtu.be/o1YWvr_yPUo “The level select came into view. Whistle through back, Mario was transported to one of the Pyramid levels. When the level started, the background was an egregious smoke-filled black.” Yeah, seeing how egregious that “screenshot” was, I’d assume the rest of the hack doesn’t get any better. “Bursts of lightning filled the sky with illumination. Winged demons in flight were visible upon these strikes. Also in the skies glowed stagnantly lit pentagrams and 666. Mario was being carried by two of Bowser’s sons up one of the game’s pyramid structures. However, this particular structure was vastly different than the regular ones.” Fun fact: Bowser Jr. Is Bowser’s only biological child. The Koopalings are adopted. Also, just say the Koopalings. Wendy exists “The bricks were cracked and faded with age. The edges were jagged with dried blood caked each block. Nothing but a heavy drum beat and the sounds of thunder played in the background. The thunder didn’t play in unison with lightning as happens in most games. There was an eerily realistic pause between the flare of the lightning and the boom of the thunder. As the top of the structure was reached, I saw the worst thing yet.” What was it? “Bowser towered above everyone else, intimidating and terrible. Below stood four of his sons, two of which had carried Mario: Morton, Iggy, Ray, and Von Koopa.” His name is Ludwig “Above the entire scene were the words Blood Whistle in bright red neon letters.” Then the d went out and it was Bloo Whistle and this became a crossover with Foster’s Home for Imaginary Friends Would’ve been better than this. “Bowser’s face had to have been ten times more evil then I had ever seen it. His green shell was cracked, and his white spines had been dipped in blood. Blood was fresh on his teeth also as his serpentine tongue licked them, making clear his intentions on what to do with Mario after he had disposed of him.” When he said serpentine, The Weekend Whip started playing in my head Dog I love Ninjago “It was then I came to a dooming realization. Mario can’t die. The game won’t let him. However many things are thrown at him, in however many ways he is brutally maimed, mortality will not escape him.” Yeah. Same with all video game heroes YA TRIPLE BAKA “For a time, that is. He will continue to be sustained by whatever dark force or sick mind that drives the rest of these occurrences to passing until the game’s eventual end, in which he will ruefully and painfully perish. Now that that has been said, to continue today’s experience.” NOOOOO JUST END ALREADY SO I CAN GET TO WRITING THE NEXT CHAPTER OF RANDOMTALE! (Shameless plug?) “Suddenly, Von Koopa produced a dagger. It gleamed with uncanny realism in the light of the Blood Whistle sign that loomed above. After a brief pause, he began to slice Mario’s chest open. Mario again brayed that fearful cry, a cry that implied he would die only to endure torture of ten times the magnitude. Tears streamed down his faced as Von removed his heart, still pumping. He handed it to Bowser, who ate it with a crunching chomp.” (Epic deep voice) Fatality Seriously there are things that have done stuff like this or even worse “His sons laughed as he did this, blood flowing from Mario’s exposed abdomen.” But he pulled it out of Mario’s chest To our knowledge he didn’t even touch Mario’s abdomen “With a bark from their twisted father, the sons shamelessly began to regurgitate and tear apart what was open.” They puked inside of Mario That’s it I’m going back to Crazy Fanfics where I don’t have to think about this Ok I won’t leave forever. “As they were doing this, Mario slowly turned his head towards me and uttered a single question through tears and blood: ‘w-w-why?” Why did he make this Pasta? “I myself asked the very same question. Why would they treat him as an animal- if not less- for their amusement?” Because Mario drove Bowser insane by throwing him into lava so many times? “Why would someone initiate the genesis of such a horrid contraption? A contraption in which life and death have no meaning and are manipulates, a contraption in which concepts such as morals, remorse and mercy are completely foreign?” ...The Undertale Genocide run? WAIT A SECOND DOES THAT MEAN TOBY FOX MADE THE BLOOD WHISTLE HACK!?! TOBY HOW COULD YOU- “It makes me shudder to think that there is someone sick enough out there to put a character through this kind of unbearable hell just to sit back and laugh. It makes me absolutely sick to my core.” (Me, who thinks up fanfic ideas where Dream Sans suffers for fun) You’re looking right at her. “Oh, that reminds me of another thing. You’re probably wondering as to why I complacently talk about Mario as if he’s a human being. A human who suffers pain, sorrow, depression, starvation, and thirst like the rest of us. A human who is also capable of feeling happiness, remorse, goodwill and love like anyone else. It’s because I am thoroughly convinced that he is.” Yeah, Undertale tends to have that effect on people- actually Undertale is too good for me to say this. Also, ARE YOU NUTS!? “Please, don’t stop following this blog because you think I’m insane. That will come later.” Oh good. I thought you were insane now I’m guessing him being insane was when he killed himself over this hack “I believe without a shadow of a doubt that inside this game is a character with a complex range of emotions, someone who feels like you and me. But it’s just a game right? It’s just a contrived mixture of code and data put together to present words and images, correct? Wrong. I know with everything inside of me that Mario has to be alive. I have seen him truly happy and truly sad, and at one point I may even see him truly angry.” One: Mario goes Berserk There’s your truly angry Mario 2: Again, Undertale joke here except that had good writing and actual effort “He feels like any other living, breathing human being.” IT IS A ROM HACK MARIO IS NOT REAK AND NEVER WILL BE “I don’t know how. I don’t know why. I don’t know how something so human could rise from something so truly inhuman. A character with a soul seemed completely impossible to me before I played this hack.” It’s impossible You need to go to the looney bin “I now have a goal with this game: to keep this poor creature safe.” You said he was a human, now he’s just a creature Also, maybe he was asking why you keep playing this game. If you don’t play, he won’t have to go through the torture THINK PLEASE “I suppose I now know the real truth. I’ll see you all tomorrow. Same place, same time.” Nope! I’m not coming back tomorrow! Not for a few days Welp. Bye folks I’m going back to Crazy Fanfics Category:Blog posts